MY Guru Tips Are Not For Facebook Alone...

In order to carve my infinite words of wisdom into the ass-phalt of history to keep them preserved like a 3 thousand yo stinky mummy... I feel I should post them here as well... Feel free to let me know just how "bat-shit crazy" you think I am... Or be greatful that I have discovered and tested these things for you...

If you plunge a dog's head enough times, repeating when necessary, they will eventually stop jumping on you as you try to tinkle, and, IF YOU ARE LUCKY LIKE ME, will even stay out of the bathroom!!! Yay!!!

· · Share · 25 minutes ago near Bosworth

• New Friend (she never knew what she signed up for, poor thing!!) likes this.

  
  
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    New Friend

    LMAO, I don't know how you do, you're one funny ass lady

    24 minutes ago ·
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    Emmy StickersPlease Paden On a side note, if you turn on the water in the tub for a short moment before sitting down to enjoy your "me" time, the kitty will HAVE to go drink it... therefore... leaving your lap free of not only the dogs but also the kitty!! For your sake, I hope your kitty puts her tail down so you don't have to look at her "winker" as she drinks, as I do...

    22 minutes ago · · 1
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    New Friend

    omg, I just laughed so hard I spit out some of the water I was drinking, key board still intact lmao

    18 minutes ago ·
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    Emmy StickersPlease Paden OH!! If she/he doesn't put their tail down, DO NOT make the mistake of putting it down for her. She will take this as a "you want to pet her" move rather than the "I don't wish to look at your asshole while I am having my "me" time"!! Just look away... unless you DO want an extra "kitty" on your potty...

    17 minutes ago · · 1
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    Emmy StickersPlease Paden Carla, I'm being honest, and you is laughing at me??!! It is a good thing I am used to it by now... It is a natural, genetic gift that has been passed down through the generations... I really need to get my sister to get her blog up and running!!!! Sometimes, lightning DOES strike twice in a family... That, or we were dropped on our heads too much as children... Daddy couldn't help it if we giggled as our hard ass heads bounced off the concrete!! You do what makes your kids happy!!! GREAT DAD, he was... RIP!!! ♥

    13 minutes ago · · 1
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    New Friend Omg you made my day girl, woke up to a broken refrigerator and was all pissy mood about, but thank to u much better ♥

    13 minutes ago · · 1
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    New Friend Sorry about your dad, I would love to read that blog though

    13 minutes ago ·
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    Emmy StickersPlease Paden I had almost 13 years with him to cherish, and each memory is on my special shelf in my heart so I can pull it down anytime I want to look at it and smile... I am greatful for the time I had with him... He was a great man that EVERYONE loved and laughed at... lol Now, he would do some crazy shite!! He once bit the head off of a crawdad just to gross all of us kids out, and it worked!! That was over 25 years ago. I only found out about 2 years ago that after we ran off trying not to puke... he ran into the corn field beside where we were fishing to PUKE!! lol I never would have guessed it... I do my best to carry on that legacy through my children and nieces and nephews... without the eating nasty stuff!!! =D