Happy Turkey Day!!

While I find the idea of celebrating Thanksgiving, a day that the Native Peoples of this land welcomed the Newcomers into their homes and shared their foods with them only to later be killed or violently forced from their homes by those same Newcomers, I do enjoy the yearly dinner due to the fact that this is the only time of the year, besides the hollyday we celebrate in December, that my mom makes us Chicken 'N Noodles to bury our mashed taters in instead of gravy. Can I get a "NOM, NOM NOMMY"?! =D Anyways, always being under the impression that turkeys are stupid birds simply because they have seemed to like walking out in front of my car at inopportune times. I now believe they were drawn to my car in particular because they love the tuneage that I like to listen and sing along loudly to while driving. When I realized that this is the very reason for some of my more exciting near misses with death, I decided that the turkeys can't be stupid at all if they have such excellent taste in music! So, I set out to prove my hypothesis by searching the internet... where everything you read is TRUE and visiting various homes that had pet turkeys!! What I found was astounding! I was also able to prove my hypothesis true beyond a shadow of a doubt and have actual photos that I took of these turkeys to prove it!

When I met Farmer Dave, I was so excited to get started in my investigation of the true intelligence of turkeys. I was a bit shocked to find that Farmer Dave was, in fact, blind, but he assured me that he was a very competent turkey farmer and was more than happy to tag along as he went in search of what he called "Din Din." At first, I thought that to be the name of his favorite turkey perhaps due to its incredible intelligence. When he grabbed the ax on the way out the back door, I started getting a bit nervous. I didn't know if the ax was meant for me or, even worse, the turkeys! After a short trek from the house we arrived at the turkey accommodations. I will say that I was more than disappointed. Not only were they less than posh but they were also filthy. I decided to overlook that fact once we entered the area where there were a large number of the beautiful birds. These animals gave me my first REAL proof that they were indeed NOT stupid. As Farmer Dave started "gobbling" to try attract a bird to him since he was in no shape (blind) to go chasing one, the birds started "Mooing"!! How clever!! Much to Farmer Dave's chagrin, he had to go back to the house empty handed, believing that the birds must be in the "back 40," wherever that was. I could not in good conscious explain to him that his birds had outsmarted him even though he muttered "Stupid Effing Birds" to himself several times on our return trip. I thanked him for allowing me to tag along even though I had seen no turkeys, as he believed.

While on a trip to a nearby city, I found the above fellow at an intersection, waving his sign to the masses. I'm not quite sure what he was trying to accomplish, but I didn't really care because he proved the intelligence of turkeys for me once again. TURKEYS CAN WRITE!!! While I must admit that I am not sure he is 100% turkey due to the fact that his nose, eyebrows and mustache are not typical among the enigmatic birds, the glasses, I felt, gave him a distinguished, nerd-like quality that I find quite appealing. After a short conversation with the fellow, he admitted that he was 100% turkey but was from a small island in the Atlantic where the above is quite normal among the ton. He informed me that he was actually in the middle of a live art exhibit in which was entitled "I am a Fish." I congratulated him on such a beautiful display and dropped a few dollars in his fish bowl before continuing on my way to prove just how smart these creatures are...

Not long after leaving the aforementioned art display, I met up with several turkeys that, I believe, prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that turkeys are indeed one of the most intelligent creatures on the planet. Not only can they read and write but they can also plan and participate in wonderful protests! I must admit that I was a bit disturbed by the sign that involved chickens because the turkey holding that sign was actually throwing another fowl under the bus which was foul in and of itself. Overlooking that fact, you may be able to tell from my photos that the event was going along swimmingly... That is until the local cattle caught wind that the turkeys were, in fact, holding signs that could possibly give humans horrible ideas and cravings for steaks, hamburgers, rump roasts, etc. Once the stampede was underway, I had little chance of getting any quotes to go with my photos due to the fact that these cattle were larger than the turkey AND myself. As I was fleeing the area for my life, I decided that I would much rather befriend an intelligent fowl than a large cow who thought the only way to accomplish anything in life was to be done in a violent bullying manner rather than a peaceful protest.

Having proven my hypothesis correct was not the only benefit I received during my investigative adventure. I also was lucky enough to meet the above fellow, Mr. Turk E. Dinner, as an added bonus! He has started a grassroots effort in his attempt to run for the next Presidential Election. His platform may be a milk crate that he had donated from a local dairy, but he possesses a wonderful personality and a multitude of ideas that, I believe, will only benefit our country. I say it is time for a change! I encourage you to do your research, watch the debates and then vote for Mr. Dinner! He is the face of our future!!!

I had already laid down and started to read as I do every night before bed and realized that I forgot to blog today. Bad Emmy!! So, I hopped on up here to spread my words of wisdom throughout the 10 kingdoms... Unfortunately, I am drawing a complete blank on words of wisdom at the moment. I'm tired, true. I had to get up early to get ready for a long ride to my allergy specialist. He is but one of my "boyfriends" that I meet with occasionally. Of course, all of my boyfriends prefer me to call them Dr. and then their last names so that no one uncovers our secret loves, but I don't mind. It makes it all the more intriguing this way. Today, Dr. Davis and I shared a brief interlude together that was quite satisfactory. He has quite the gentle touch while also possessing an interesting array of "toys." After we finished with the physical aspect of our clandestine meeting, we enjoyed some nice pillow talk before I once again set out on my way back home. He is quite the demanding boyfriend, I must say. I slept nearly the entire trip back home. Whew! I think it is a good thing that we keep our "meetings" to only once a year. I do think of him often... every week as I poke myself as he has so lovingly instructed. He is such a caring man. I am lucky to be able to call him "mine." I believe I shall now lay down and read more on "fun things to do with a monkey" and turn in a bit early. I bid you adieu and good night...

Brutal Honesty

I've decided it is time for some brutal honesty. I love honesty, don't you? I am almost always honest. The only times I try NOT to be is when those little white lies are necessary to keep from hurting someone's feelings... "No those jeans don't make your butt look big." When you really wanna say, "Honey, NOTHING could make your butt look small!" Then there is the "Oh, you got all A's and B's! I'm so proud!" when in the back of your mind you are doing your best not to say, "Why didn't you get all A's like your brother? Sure, he tests at genius level, but both of your fathers came from the shallow end of the gene pool!" Anyways, as I was saying, look out world... here comes MY honesty!

I have mental and physical illnesses, both of which tend to affect the other. My mental illness list has more abbreviations than a NASA handbook on driving the shuttle. I once read a bumper sticker that said, "I don't suffer from mental illness, I enjoy every minute of it." Well, I don't. I am depressed a lot. I tend to hide from the world behind closed doors and my computer. I have also attempted suicide twice as an adult, but I succeeded in NOT winning that "non-choice." I say "non-choice" because no one in their right mind would ever choose to leave this world, and I use the word succeeded because to say I failed at the attempt is just too ugly to think on... I LIVED!! I succeeded! :) I also have a lot of anxieties that I am working on... Have had a little setback but will get back to where I was... one step... one day... at a time. Kudos to "T" (you know who you are) for pushing me "just enough but not too much."

As for my physical illnesses, I am going to end up empty if they keep taking out parts of me! I lost my poor Gallbladdimir (gallbladder's name thanks to my Spatties) on October 5th. I am STILL trying to deal with this horrid nausea every morning. No, I am NOT preggers. They took all those organs away a little over 10 years ago. Let's give a big YIPPEE for no PMS!!! :) I have talked to a friend who is a dietary specialist. She gave me some basics, but I need to meet with one that has access to my labs, med list, illnesses and such to get a more specific list for ME. In the mean while, I take Phenergan (if that is how it is spelled... I am too lazy to go look at the bottle or do a google) to help with the nausea. Unfortunately, that med happens to cause constipation so I have not pooped in a week. No joking. Told ya in the title... Brutal Honesty. Today, I will be drinking a glass full of that nasty fiber crap and every day after until I finally "go. Don't worry. I will keep you "posted." (Ha! I'm punny!) It isn't actually that bad if you add MiO to it. Good tip there!!

I also have a lot of chronic pain. I have Voltaren gel, which is awesome, for what it can reach, Vicodin for what it can't, and Tramadol for my tummy pains. Most days, I avoid a lot of activity because that causes me to have to take more Vicodin which then causes me to annoy those around me because it makes me talk and type A LOT! If you have any tips on how to naturally alleviate pain due to herniated discs in the neck, degenerative disc disease, scoliosis, twisted spine, bad knees, fibromyalgia... AND the areas that these issues cause pain in... i.e. hips, legs, arms and hands, etc. feel free to COMMENT!!

Well, I think that is enough for now... I believe you can get an idea of how "not fun" and "difficult" my life is. I'm not whining. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me. I would appreciate if others would accept me as I am... NOT what they had hoped I would be or wished I was. True, I am my father's daughter in many, many ways, but I can GUARANTEE you he would NOT wish me to fallow in his shoes. If I had, I would have been dead 5 years ago. I choose to live. I choose to love me, faults and all. I choose to love everyone whether I know them or not... faults and all, in spite of their differences because it is our differences that make us special. I urge one and all to do the same... "Love with your eyes shut tight and your heart wide open." Yes, that is a quote... of MINE!! Feel free to use it... but give me credit - M.E. Paden. You will see my name on books someday! Just watch and see!

You may wonder why I have decided to air all of my dirty laundry... Believe me, this is NOT all of it. Here is some more honesty. I want to make a difference. A good friend of mine showed me that I can affect the world even if it is simply by sharing a picture on Facebook. Thank you, "D" (you know who you are). BUT... I want to do more. I want to help rid the world of the social stigma placed on mental illness. I want to help others find help BEFORE they get so far into the depression abyss that they can't see the light and end up where I did... in an ER, getting my stomach pumped. I want to help those people who are hiding behind masks because they feel that that is their only option to get others to like them because in reality, if that mask is what it takes, then the friends you find are not really friends at all. I. Want. To. Help. That is why...

For now, I will leave you with a daily affirmation (these can really help if you let them) that I got from Ellen DeGeneres' new book, Seriously... I'm Kidding. Seriously... I suggest reading this book!! It is amazing and wonderful and funny and life altering!! Anyways, here is the affirmation... "I look good with back hair." There are many more, and I will be giving them to you one at a time. Hope you look forward to it as much as I do! :)