Thursday, November 24, 2011

Happy Turkey Day!!

While I find the idea of celebrating Thanksgiving, a day that the Native Peoples of this land welcomed the Newcomers into their homes and shared their foods with them only to later be killed or violently forced from their homes by those same Newcomers, I do enjoy the yearly dinner due to the fact that this is the only time of the year, besides the hollyday we celebrate in December, that my mom makes us Chicken 'N Noodles to bury our mashed taters in instead of gravy. Can I get a "NOM, NOM NOMMY"?! =D Anyways, always being under the impression that turkeys are stupid birds simply because they have seemed to like walking out in front of my car at inopportune times. I now believe they were drawn to my car in particular because they love the tuneage that I like to listen and sing along loudly to while driving. When I realized that this is the very reason for some of my more exciting near misses with death, I decided that the turkeys can't be stupid at all if they have such excellent taste in music! So, I set out to prove my hypothesis by searching the internet... where everything you read is TRUE and visiting various homes that had pet turkeys!! What I found was astounding! I was also able to prove my hypothesis true beyond a shadow of a doubt and have actual photos that I took of these turkeys to prove it!

MOO!! CLUCK! MOO!When I met Farmer Dave, I was so excited to get started in my investigation of the true intelligence of turkeys. I was a bit shocked to find that Farmer Dave was, in fact, blind, but he assured me that he was a very competent turkey farmer and was more than happy to tag along as he went in search of what he called "Din Din." At first, I thought that to be the name of his favorite turkey perhaps due to its incredible intelligence. When he grabbed the ax on the way out the back door, I started getting a bit nervous. I didn't know if the ax was meant for me or, even worse, the turkeys! After a short trek from the house we arrived at the turkey accommodations. I will say that I was more than disappointed. Not only were they less than posh but they were also filthy. I decided to overlook that fact once we entered the area where there were a large number of the beautiful birds. These animals gave me my first REAL proof that they were indeed NOT stupid. As Farmer Dave started "gobbling" to try attract a bird to him since he was in no shape (blind) to go chasing one, the birds started "Mooing"!! How clever!! Much to Farmer Dave's chagrin, he had to go back to the house empty handed, believing that the birds must be in the "back 40," wherever that was. I could not in good conscious explain to him that his birds had outsmarted him even though he muttered "Stupid Effing Birds" to himself several times on our return trip. I thanked him for allowing me to tag along even though I had seen no turkeys, as he believed.


While on a trip to a nearby city, I found the above fellow at an intersection, waving his sign to the masses. I'm not quite sure what he was trying to accomplish, but I didn't really care because he proved the intelligence of turkeys for me once again. TURKEYS CAN WRITE!!! While I must admit that I am not sure he is 100% turkey due to the fact that his nose, eyebrows and mustache are not typical among the enigmatic birds, the glasses, I felt, gave him a distinguished, nerd-like quality that I find quite appealing. After a short conversation with the fellow, he admitted that he was 100% turkey but was from a small island in the Atlantic where the above is quite normal among the ton. He informed me that he was actually in the middle of a live art exhibit in which was entitled "I am a Fish." I congratulated him on such a beautiful display and dropped a few dollars in his fish bowl before continuing on my way to prove just how smart these creatures are...




Not long after leaving the aforementioned art display, I met up with several turkeys that, I believe, prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that turkeys are indeed one of the most intelligent creatures on the planet. Not only can they read and write but they can also plan and participate in wonderful protests! I must admit that I was a bit disturbed by the sign that involved chickens because the turkey holding that sign was actually throwing another fowl under the bus which was foul in and of itself. Overlooking that fact, you may be able to tell from my photos that the event was going along swimmingly... That is until the local cattle caught wind that the turkeys were, in fact, holding signs that could possibly give humans horrible ideas and cravings for steaks, hamburgers, rump roasts, etc. Once the stampede was underway, I had little chance of getting any quotes to go with my photos due to the fact that these cattle were larger than the turkey AND myself. As I was fleeing the area for my life, I decided that I would much rather befriend an intelligent fowl than a large cow who thought the only way to accomplish anything in life was to be done in a violent bullying manner rather than a peaceful protest.




Having proven my hypothesis correct was not the only benefit I received during my investigative adventure. I also was lucky enough to meet the above fellow, Mr. Turk E. Dinner, as an added bonus! He has started a grassroots effort in his attempt to run for the next Presidential Election. His platform may be a milk crate that he had donated from a local dairy, but he possesses a wonderful personality and a multitude of ideas that, I believe, will only benefit our country. I say it is time for a change! I encourage you to do your research, watch the debates and then vote for Mr. Dinner! He is the face of our future!!!

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