Friday, December 16, 2011
MY Guru Tips Are Not For Facebook Alone...
In order to carve my infinite words of wisdom into the ass-phalt of history to keep them preserved like a 3 thousand yo stinky mummy... I feel I should post them here as well... Feel free to let me know just how "bat-shit crazy" you think I am... Or be greatful that I have discovered and tested these things for you...
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Happy Turkey Day!!
While I find the idea of celebrating Thanksgiving, a day that the Native Peoples of this land welcomed the Newcomers into their homes and shared their foods with them only to later be killed or violently forced from their homes by those same Newcomers, I do enjoy the yearly dinner due to the fact that this is the only time of the year, besides the hollyday we celebrate in December, that my mom makes us Chicken 'N Noodles to bury our mashed taters in instead of gravy. Can I get a "NOM, NOM NOMMY"?! =D Anyways, always being under the impression that turkeys are stupid birds simply because they have seemed to like walking out in front of my car at inopportune times. I now believe they were drawn to my car in particular because they love the tuneage that I like to listen and sing along loudly to while driving. When I realized that this is the very reason for some of my more exciting near misses with death, I decided that the turkeys can't be stupid at all if they have such excellent taste in music! So, I set out to prove my hypothesis by searching the internet... where everything you read is TRUE and visiting various homes that had pet turkeys!! What I found was astounding! I was also able to prove my hypothesis true beyond a shadow of a doubt and have actual photos that I took of these turkeys to prove it!
When I met Farmer Dave, I was so excited to get started in my investigation of the true intelligence of turkeys. I was a bit shocked to find that Farmer Dave was, in fact, blind, but he assured me that he was a very competent turkey farmer and was more than happy to tag along as he went in search of what he called "Din Din." At first, I thought that to be the name of his favorite turkey perhaps due to its incredible intelligence. When he grabbed the ax on the way out the back door, I started getting a bit nervous. I didn't know if the ax was meant for me or, even worse, the turkeys! After a short trek from the house we arrived at the turkey accommodations. I will say that I was more than disappointed. Not only were they less than posh but they were also filthy. I decided to overlook that fact once we entered the area where there were a large number of the beautiful birds. These animals gave me my first REAL proof that they were indeed NOT stupid. As Farmer Dave started "gobbling" to try attract a bird to him since he was in no shape (blind) to go chasing one, the birds started "Mooing"!! How clever!! Much to Farmer Dave's chagrin, he had to go back to the house empty handed, believing that the birds must be in the "back 40," wherever that was. I could not in good conscious explain to him that his birds had outsmarted him even though he muttered "Stupid Effing Birds" to himself several times on our return trip. I thanked him for allowing me to tag along even though I had seen no turkeys, as he believed. 
While on a trip to a nearby city, I found the above fellow at an intersection, waving his sign to the masses. I'm not quite sure what he was trying to accomplish, but I didn't really care because he proved the intelligence of turkeys for me once again. TURKEYS CAN WRITE!!! While I must admit that I am not sure he is 100% turkey due to the fact that his nose, eyebrows and mustache are not typical among the enigmatic birds, the glasses, I felt, gave him a distinguished, nerd-like quality that I find quite appealing. After a short conversation with the fellow, he admitted that he was 100% turkey but was from a small island in the Atlantic where the above is quite normal among the ton. He informed me that he was actually in the middle of a live art exhibit in which was entitled "I am a Fish." I congratulated him on such a beautiful display and dropped a few dollars in his fish bowl before continuing on my way to prove just how smart these creatures are...
Not long after leaving the aforementioned art display, I met up with several turkeys that, I believe, prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that turkeys are indeed one of the most intelligent creatures on the planet. Not only can they read and write but they can also plan and participate in wonderful protests! I must admit that I was a bit disturbed by the sign that involved chickens because the turkey holding that sign was actually throwing another fowl under the bus which was foul in and of itself. Overlooking that fact, you may be able to tell from my photos that the event was going along swimmingly... That is until the local cattle caught wind that the turkeys were, in fact, holding signs that could possibly give humans horrible ideas and cravings for steaks, hamburgers, rump roasts, etc. Once the stampede was underway, I had little chance of getting any quotes to go with my photos due to the fact that these cattle were larger than the turkey AND myself. As I was fleeing the area for my life, I decided that I would much rather befriend an intelligent fowl than a large cow who thought the only way to accomplish anything in life was to be done in a violent bullying manner rather than a peaceful protest. 
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
I had already laid down and started to read as I do every night before bed and realized that I forgot to blog today. Bad Emmy!! So, I hopped on up here to spread my words of wisdom throughout the 10 kingdoms... Unfortunately, I am drawing a complete blank on words of wisdom at the moment. I'm tired, true. I had to get up early to get ready for a long ride to my allergy specialist. He is but one of my "boyfriends" that I meet with occasionally. Of course, all of my boyfriends prefer me to call them Dr. and then their last names so that no one uncovers our secret loves, but I don't mind. It makes it all the more intriguing this way. Today, Dr. Davis and I shared a brief interlude together that was quite satisfactory. He has quite the gentle touch while also possessing an interesting array of "toys." After we finished with the physical aspect of our clandestine meeting, we enjoyed some nice pillow talk before I once again set out on my way back home. He is quite the demanding boyfriend, I must say. I slept nearly the entire trip back home. Whew! I think it is a good thing that we keep our "meetings" to only once a year. I do think of him often... every week as I poke myself as he has so lovingly instructed. He is such a caring man. I am lucky to be able to call him "mine." I believe I shall now lay down and read more on "fun things to do with a monkey" and turn in a bit early. I bid you adieu and good night...
Monday, November 21, 2011
Brutal Honesty
I've decided it is time for some brutal honesty. I love honesty, don't you? I am almost always honest. The only times I try NOT to be is when those little white lies are necessary to keep from hurting someone's feelings... "No those jeans don't make your butt look big." When you really wanna say, "Honey, NOTHING could make your butt look small!" Then there is the "Oh, you got all A's and B's! I'm so proud!" when in the back of your mind you are doing your best not to say, "Why didn't you get all A's like your brother? Sure, he tests at genius level, but both of your fathers came from the shallow end of the gene pool!" Anyways, as I was saying, look out world... here comes MY honesty!
I have mental and physical illnesses, both of which tend to affect the other. My mental illness list has more abbreviations than a NASA handbook on driving the shuttle. I once read a bumper sticker that said, "I don't suffer from mental illness, I enjoy every minute of it." Well, I don't. I am depressed a lot. I tend to hide from the world behind closed doors and my computer. I have also attempted suicide twice as an adult, but I succeeded in NOT winning that "non-choice." I say "non-choice" because no one in their right mind would ever choose to leave this world, and I use the word succeeded because to say I failed at the attempt is just too ugly to think on... I LIVED!! I succeeded! :) I also have a lot of anxieties that I am working on... Have had a little setback but will get back to where I was... one step... one day... at a time. Kudos to "T" (you know who you are) for pushing me "just enough but not too much."
As for my physical illnesses, I am going to end up empty if they keep taking out parts of me! I lost my poor Gallbladdimir (gallbladder's name thanks to my Spatties) on October 5th. I am STILL trying to deal with this horrid nausea every morning. No, I am NOT preggers. They took all those organs away a little over 10 years ago. Let's give a big YIPPEE for no PMS!!! :) I have talked to a friend who is a dietary specialist. She gave me some basics, but I need to meet with one that has access to my labs, med list, illnesses and such to get a more specific list for ME. In the mean while, I take Phenergan (if that is how it is spelled... I am too lazy to go look at the bottle or do a google) to help with the nausea. Unfortunately, that med happens to cause constipation so I have not pooped in a week. No joking. Told ya in the title... Brutal Honesty. Today, I will be drinking a glass full of that nasty fiber crap and every day after until I finally "go. Don't worry. I will keep you "posted." (Ha! I'm punny!) It isn't actually that bad if you add MiO to it. Good tip there!!
I also have a lot of chronic pain. I have Voltaren gel, which is awesome, for what it can reach, Vicodin for what it can't, and Tramadol for my tummy pains. Most days, I avoid a lot of activity because that causes me to have to take more Vicodin which then causes me to annoy those around me because it makes me talk and type A LOT! If you have any tips on how to naturally alleviate pain due to herniated discs in the neck, degenerative disc disease, scoliosis, twisted spine, bad knees, fibromyalgia... AND the areas that these issues cause pain in... i.e. hips, legs, arms and hands, etc. feel free to COMMENT!!
Well, I think that is enough for now... I believe you can get an idea of how "not fun" and "difficult" my life is. I'm not whining. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me. I would appreciate if others would accept me as I am... NOT what they had hoped I would be or wished I was. True, I am my father's daughter in many, many ways, but I can GUARANTEE you he would NOT wish me to fallow in his shoes. If I had, I would have been dead 5 years ago. I choose to live. I choose to love me, faults and all. I choose to love everyone whether I know them or not... faults and all, in spite of their differences because it is our differences that make us special. I urge one and all to do the same... "Love with your eyes shut tight and your heart wide open." Yes, that is a quote... of MINE!! Feel free to use it... but give me credit - M.E. Paden. You will see my name on books someday! Just watch and see!
You may wonder why I have decided to air all of my dirty laundry... Believe me, this is NOT all of it. Here is some more honesty. I want to make a difference. A good friend of mine showed me that I can affect the world even if it is simply by sharing a picture on Facebook. Thank you, "D" (you know who you are). BUT... I want to do more. I want to help rid the world of the social stigma placed on mental illness. I want to help others find help BEFORE they get so far into the depression abyss that they can't see the light and end up where I did... in an ER, getting my stomach pumped. I want to help those people who are hiding behind masks because they feel that that is their only option to get others to like them because in reality, if that mask is what it takes, then the friends you find are not really friends at all. I. Want. To. Help. That is why...
For now, I will leave you with a daily affirmation (these can really help if you let them) that I got from Ellen DeGeneres' new book, Seriously... I'm Kidding. Seriously... I suggest reading this book!! It is amazing and wonderful and funny and life altering!! Anyways, here is the affirmation... "I look good with back hair." There are many more, and I will be giving them to you one at a time. Hope you look forward to it as much as I do! :)
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
The Nuances of Writing
I am a lazy blogger, aren't I? How am I to get and keep followers if I fail to blog on a regular basis? I will seek to do better in the future... I promise. To try, that is. I can't guarantee a bright, witty blog each and everyday. Life, in and of itself, holds surprises and blocks that seek to turn us from our chosen path, but that is not the topic of the day. The topic is, as you have read in my title, the nuances of writing.
As I lay reading, waiting for my nausea of the morning to go away, that authors can, if they choose to do so, leave things out of a story to make it more enjoyable to read. They also use bigger words than I have used, but this is not a novel. I will save "dissipate - go away" and "palatable - enjoyable to read" for my novel that I am to attempt next month for NaNo (National Novel Writing Month: I will write about this before November first). Anyways... A certain passage from the book I am reading struck my attention...
"Arabella closed her eyes and breathed in the scent of hay tinged with the fresh smell of new-fallen snow."
This paragraph, from A Belated Bride by Karen Hawkins, is a prime example of the choices that an author can make to spin a wonderful yarn. A little back story may be in line to help you to understand what I truly mean. For one, it is morning... one thing that was listed in a previous paragraph. No, I did not give that paragraph above because I am sure that you will want to read the book yourself. Another tidbit that is helpful is the fact that Arabella takes it upon herself to muck out the stalls each day when the servants that she is able to afford are busy with private matters or other duties. This was part of a previous chapter that I thoroughly enjoyed, for as she was mucking on that particular day the Duke, Lucien, comes in and very cleverly forces her to give over the chore to him to do. It also describes his luscious muscles, dripping with sweat and moving so deliciously beneath his golden skin... Need I go on? So, what we have are the facts that it is morning and the stalls have not been mucked since the day before. Do you get where I am going with this?
Ms. Hawkins has chosen to leave out the smell of the hay that is most definitely giving off the smell of the shit mixed with it from the day prior. Why? It is evident from the passage that something is bothering poor Arabella. How would the smell of shit make her feel better? True, it is a sign that her horse is healthy. Yay! It is also a sign that there is work to be done and some, including Arabella, take pleasure in working hard. It can afford clarity through the thought process by removing oneself from the situation and allowing yourself to think through the details. It can also allow for the taking out of frustrations in a more constructive way rather than punching someone in the throat or smacking them in and about the head and shoulders with a rotten trout. I, myself, would prefer to do the work and then the punching or smacking later. One warning, clarity in the thought process may also allow a person to plan revenge to a more stategic, effective level. Obviously, the author has not created the character as a revengeful person such as I. I would have reveled in the smell of the shit in the hopes that I could find some way to work it into my revenge scheme. Arabella, on the other had, does not need the smell of shit for any purpose, so the author has left it out. Bravo!
This is one of the great things about being an author. You can include or not include facts that we KNOW are there, simply to create a less-smelly, calming atmosphere. So, I bid you thus... The next time you are curled up with a good book or an eReader read between the lines. "See" what is there that the author hasn't told you. You may just get a good laugh! After all, isn't the point of reading to enjoy it? I do and hope you do as well! Happy Reading!!! :)
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Bits and Pieces
There are a great many things on my mind this morning. At the forefront is the demon doggeh, Thor, as seen above. He may look cute and sweet, but therein is the trap. He is only sweet when he wants to be. That includes lickies to the face along with little nips with his sharp little teeth that HURT! I am sure that he means them as love and try my best to not show the pain on my face. I hope it is just a phase he is going through and will grow out of it as he get older!! Sadie is also there in my mind with THE Thor... his mother, both of whom expect their morning snacks IN THE MORNING. This is not usually a problem for me. I am usually sleeping during the giving of morning snacks, but today I am here by myself. Mom and Jim left yesterday to go to Columbia. She had an early appointment with a kidney specialist, and they didn't want to be traveling before the Butt Crack of Don. So, the giving of snacks fell to me... Yayness! [/sarcasm]I've been in a quagmire lately. I have been watching my mom's fish for the last couple days. Three of them, all the same type, confuse me. The two smaller fish are easy to figure out, but the big ones with their strange fins are bugging the hell out of me! I can't figure out where their butts are!! They have all these extra fins and have a nice sized tail fin, but I can't see their butts. I have been watching them on and off and had mom on duty watching them, well, before she left, as well. I want to catch them in the act of doing a doody. That is the only way to figure it out once and for all! However, I am beginning to wonder if they doody at all!! I know they burp and fart, etc from the articles I read a few days ago for Jeff''s status, but I have not seen them do either. I do have a theory. I have to feed them around 11:30. I am hoping that eating will cause their little bodies to "work" and thus end my pain... Wish me luck!! *crosses fingers*
Saturday, September 24, 2011
It Can Always Get Worse
I've had a lot of struggles in my life... from just about every direction possible. Unfortunately, it has only been in the last year that I finally could take hope from the belief that it can always get worse. In believing that, I could also finally let myself believe that it could also be a lot better!! I do my best by taking each day one at a time... I have so many people to thank for helping me... My mom, most of all... My Auntie Cindy, some of my family, some of my friends in RL and on FB... My SPATTIES!!! Every single one of you have made a difference in my life! I truly hope you all know just how much to mean to me!! Love you all bunches and muches!!! {huggly squishies} =D
Friday, September 23, 2011
First Day of the Rest of My Life
Aren't they all? It isn't as if we start our own calendar based on one specific date and start over at 0 as they did with Jesus, who was a Middle Easterner therefor dark man. If I could though, I would... I would stick to the 365 days a year and the Pagan calendar, but I would sooo give the months different names. Do you know what the name of the months actually mean? I don't. Let's find out, shall we?! I have found the answers!!! Here is the page... http://www.crowl.org/Lawrence/time/months.html Now, I will ponder and let you know what I think...
January -- Janus's month
February -- month of Februa
Intercalaris -- inter-calendar month
March -- Mars' month
April -- Aphrodite's month
May -- Maia's month
June -- Juno's month
July -- Julius Caesar's month
August -- Augustus Caesar's month
September -- the seventh month
October -- the eighth month
November -- the nineth month
December -- the tenth month
You may have noticed that there are 13 months here. That would be due to the lunar calendar... 4 weeks to a month. Ever wonder why a woman is considered pregnant for 9 months... but also 40 weeks? It is interesting that initially only 10 of the months were named. The two winter months weren't. Wonder what someone would say during that time if asked what month it was... "The 13th of No Name #1" o_O I also find it interesting that the main guy, though an asshat, that influenced the calendar as it is today was Julius Caesar. Even named one of them after himself. He was a vain man...
Now to meanings...
January - named for Janus, the Roman god of gates and doorways, depicted with two faces looking in opposite directions. January is his festival month. No idea what gates and doorways have anything to do with the month itself. Can't be that Janus ushered in the new year since back then the new year was March 1st... When war could resume again... How nice?! Blockheads!!
February - Februa is the Roman festival of purification, held on February fifteenth. It is possibly of Sabine (Italian) origin. I wonder if this was a Catholic or Pagan festival. He did convert to Catholicism in his "middle ages."
Intercalaris -- inter-calendar month - Removed by Julius Caesar
March - Named for Mars the Roman God of War. Not surprising since this was the time of year they could start killing innocent people in the name of God again.
April - How sweet... April was named for Aphrodite the Roman Goddess of love, beauty, blah, blah, blah...
May - Named for Maia (meaning "the great one"), the Italian Goddess of spring, the daughter of Faunus, and wife of Vulcan. Love the Vulcan part. Although, Spock, who is from Vulcan, was rather grouchy which I do NOT associate with spring... Hmmm...
June - Named for Juno who is the Goddess of the Roman Pantheon. She is the goddess of marriage and the well-being of women. I say "Go Girl"! *SNAP*
July - Julius Caesar reformed the Roman calendar (hence the Julian calendar) in 46 BC. In the process, he renamed this month after himself. Just like a man!!!
August - Augustus Caesar clarified and completed the calendar reform of Julius Caesar. In the process, he also renamed this month after himself. From what I can find, Augustus was the grand-nephew of good ole Julius. Just HAD to name a month after himself!! MEN!!
September - also my birth month - means 7th month. How creative!!! O_O
October - means 8th month. I'm noticing a pattern here!!!
November - means 9th month.
December - I'll let ya guess! Can't figure it out?! It means the 10th month!!! lol
Yeah... A woman could soooo do a better job than they did!!! <\div>
January -- Janus's month
February -- month of Februa
Intercalaris -- inter-calendar month
March -- Mars' month
April -- Aphrodite's month
May -- Maia's month
June -- Juno's month
July -- Julius Caesar's month
August -- Augustus Caesar's month
September -- the seventh month
October -- the eighth month
November -- the nineth month
December -- the tenth month
You may have noticed that there are 13 months here. That would be due to the lunar calendar... 4 weeks to a month. Ever wonder why a woman is considered pregnant for 9 months... but also 40 weeks? It is interesting that initially only 10 of the months were named. The two winter months weren't. Wonder what someone would say during that time if asked what month it was... "The 13th of No Name #1" o_O I also find it interesting that the main guy, though an asshat, that influenced the calendar as it is today was Julius Caesar. Even named one of them after himself. He was a vain man...
Now to meanings...
January - named for Janus, the Roman god of gates and doorways, depicted with two faces looking in opposite directions. January is his festival month. No idea what gates and doorways have anything to do with the month itself. Can't be that Janus ushered in the new year since back then the new year was March 1st... When war could resume again... How nice?! Blockheads!!
February - Februa is the Roman festival of purification, held on February fifteenth. It is possibly of Sabine (Italian) origin. I wonder if this was a Catholic or Pagan festival. He did convert to Catholicism in his "middle ages."
Intercalaris -- inter-calendar month - Removed by Julius Caesar
March - Named for Mars the Roman God of War. Not surprising since this was the time of year they could start killing innocent people in the name of God again.
April - How sweet... April was named for Aphrodite the Roman Goddess of love, beauty, blah, blah, blah...
May - Named for Maia (meaning "the great one"), the Italian Goddess of spring, the daughter of Faunus, and wife of Vulcan. Love the Vulcan part. Although, Spock, who is from Vulcan, was rather grouchy which I do NOT associate with spring... Hmmm...
June - Named for Juno who is the Goddess of the Roman Pantheon. She is the goddess of marriage and the well-being of women. I say "Go Girl"! *SNAP*
July - Julius Caesar reformed the Roman calendar (hence the Julian calendar) in 46 BC. In the process, he renamed this month after himself. Just like a man!!!
August - Augustus Caesar clarified and completed the calendar reform of Julius Caesar. In the process, he also renamed this month after himself. From what I can find, Augustus was the grand-nephew of good ole Julius. Just HAD to name a month after himself!! MEN!!
September - also my birth month - means 7th month. How creative!!! O_O
October - means 8th month. I'm noticing a pattern here!!!
November - means 9th month.
December - I'll let ya guess! Can't figure it out?! It means the 10th month!!! lol
Yeah... A woman could soooo do a better job than they did!!! <\div>
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